how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
