I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
