apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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