I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i think my cat just said my name.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You don't make any sense
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