I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
