it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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