you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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