he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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