i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
