This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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