She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
