Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
