What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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