I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
