Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The air taste purple.
Randomize
