party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
