i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
