Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
