You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
