Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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