Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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