I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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