Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize