She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
