More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
