Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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