I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
