i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
