that's an acceptable place to lick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
