For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize