why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
