marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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