; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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