Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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