he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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