I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
