You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
