don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
