I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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