Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
