i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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