So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize