so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
