dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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