He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
