I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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