I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
