i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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