Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
