my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
