hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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