i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
