is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
