i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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