Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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