I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
