and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
