Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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