WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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