remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
