if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
