East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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