If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
