I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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