So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
