Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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