I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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