Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
