i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
