Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
