i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
