the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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