3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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